Sunday, October 14, 2007

149. Pieces

I know I've been off the map for a while. I've since returned to school, finished up my classes from last semester and earned my scholarship back. Academically, things are looking up. I've started seeing a new counselor through the area crisis services who is absolutely amazing. She's really helping me just wade through my anger and depression and everything. I am still very hurt over Catherine not believing me. I've been "expelled" from that circle of friends. But I have also realized who the people I really value are. Katy's one, and Aaron. They're good to me, and I can't thank them enough for simply believing me and being there. I've become more vocal on campus as far as victim's rights go. I'm not even sure what I'mdoing, but it feels right. I wrote a letter to the editor that started it all, and now I feel like I am the poster child for aquaintance rape. At the same time, the people I am working with are giving me control, so I am not just being swept through. I have ultimate say over what I will do, and I like that. It's good. Today I gave an interview to a journalism student working on a project about assault survivors. I almost started crying on camera. A little part of me is really scared that the wrong people will see it--but those wrong people don't matter. The administration knows my identity, and so does the police, and I have to be upfront when I am applying for law school because a giant chunk of my academia is missing. THere is no one important who I am worried about finding out. So I think I am okay with this. If it helps some girl who watches the video come forward, or it stops some boy from doing something he'll regret, that's okay with me. But a little piece of my is terrified over all this. And I think that is okay, too.

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