Monday, February 26, 2007

102. Revelation

I have a really nice butt. Really, that's all I have to say. Addendum: My rear is not for public display. :)

Sunday, February 25, 2007

101. Less Cluttered

I had my wisdom teeth taken out this weekend. Ugggghhh, they hurt. Friday I was a rabid chipmunk--all I could do was drool and gurgle. Yesterday I had a fever of 101.7, that was fun. I've been taking Vicoden and Ibuprofin. My teeth don't hurt all that much anymore, but I really can't eat anything, which is throwing off my diet. Oh, yes, Leigh is still dieting. I do have some will power. I'm happy with my appearance, I'm just not happy that my size seven jeans are a little tight, and two years ago I was a size five. So, I just want to get down to a healthy weight. I like having a little chubs, but I also like my jeans to fit. My mum wants me to be 105. Hah. I want to be 118. That is my goal weight. Twelve pounds to go, but you know, if it takes me the whole semester, that will be okay. Missed my school's production of Vagina Monologues. That's disapointing, but you cna't really argue with a high fever. I'll make sure to go next year. My room is clean, which is nice. Makes me feel less cluttered, a lot calmer. Now I need to get to work on my papers.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

100. Black Bean Brownies

I made black bean brownies today. They're actually rather good. Not as fudgy as brownies, and a little dry, but as far as flourless food goes, they're the best I've tasted. Better than nasty vegan brownies, anyway. I'm starting to come to terms with the nature of my and Henry's thing. I'm not a bitter, dumped girl. As far as anything goes, I'm the one who stopped called and responding to emails. That said, now that I am out, I'm not blinded by the idea that I could use him to show off, prove to my family I wasn't lesbian, and show my friends that yes, boys like me. And I am very, very upset with myself, because that's exactly what I did. Because if I did that, I didn't have to admit anything else. I could pretend I was in control. I could pretend I was the one using him. Most of all, I could pretend I wasn't so trashed that first night that I can hardly remember what happened. I could omit the fact that I said, "I don't want to have sex with you. We're not having sex--I am too drunk." I feel really, really ashamed, and really really hurt, because beyond the internet, I really can't talk about this. I built up such a pretty picture to my friends, I am terrified if I say anything they will think I am just acting like a scorned girlfriend. I was never a girlfriend. I never pretended to be to anyone, and I never thought of myself as one. I was so trashed that night. And I wish my friends tried harder to stop me. But they just watched and encouraged me, because they were trashed too. And if the situation was reversed, I probably would have done the same. I don't have a name for what happened. I don't think I ever will give it one. But I just needed to share this, before I start believing my own lies. Huh. For an entry about brownies, this sure turned depressing. I don't regret very many things. I believe you can learn from every experience. But I regret this.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

099. My legs are purple like blueberries!

I told Katy that I think she beats me when we're drunk. Whenever I go out with her, I come home with bruises in strange places, and I can't remember when or how I got them. On Friday, Katy and I went to Rocky Horror at our university. There was no live show, but there was plenty of cross dressing and debauchery. It was amazing. And I was trashed. I think I took three shots in three minutes, which in retrospect is a terrible idea. But tequila is so lovely. We both wore our undergarments and hooker heels. It was our first time. We looked naked under our coats, and when we were walking to the venue, we got honked at and too drunken men sung to Katy about fishnet stockings. When we got to the theatre, we both hid under our coats like flashers until we saw three boys in dresses. Summer dresses, v. pretty. Katy told me I was really loud. Like, I was talking about people that were five feet away, and I was trying to whisper, but it was such a loud whisper that there was no concealing it. I know I was talking about a tall man with spiky purple hair and then he came over and offered me his hand and called us Dahling! Hee. Then we did the timewarp, and I tripped on toast. Katy and I have been getting closer over the semester. I like her, she's fun. We both have issues. Not too much partying otherwise. The Boys Downstairs had a valentines day party. I went to it for a few minutes. Put on a slinky red dress, got hit on by another gangsta, found Chris and some boy from my history class, then went back upstairs and went to bed. I'm going on a diet tomorrow. I love my body, but I also love my jeans that suddenly feel a bit tight. No plans to drink for the next two weeks due to surgery and whatnot, so I might as well use the time to cut carbs. Guh…I am gonna miss alcohol. Only two weeks, Leigh! Two weeks! I think the Henry-Me thing is done. I haven't bothered talking to him in two weeks, and he hasn't tried to contact me. I'm disapointed, but I can't say I'm all weepy over it. Mostly, I'm disapointed that I won't be getting chocolate and flowers next Wednesday. I'll just have to buy them myself.